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Jan 2005 01

Ambivalent about people

Rants!

Sometimes I wish I were alone, out in space.. A lone trader.. Just trying to make a living.. Not bothering anyone.. More to the point, not being bothered.. This of course is a silly wish.. No one else in space to trade with as of this writing.. I think this irrational desire signifies my.... Contempt?... Dislike?... for other people. Though other times I want to be with people.. hang out.. if only just for a time.. Ambivalence? I dunno.

Maybe it's a safety thing. Out in space, in my little ship.. I would only allow those people into my life that I specifically wanted there. Other people simply wouldn't get the password to my little club. A perfect way to live life without truly living. In my self contained cube with no chance of being hurt. No chance of forced interaction.

Sometimes that sounds wonderful. Other times it sounds frightening... Ambivalence?

Just when I start to like people.. Just when I start to get comfortable with the way people are and accept them for who they want to be.. Just when I start to think the world is going to be okay.. Something comes along and reminds me that people, in general, are fucktards. Most people tread their way through their lives without giving one thought to everyone else around them.

Most people think they are king, the ruler of the world. Most people think nothing bad could ever happen to them, and if it did it's someone else's fault. Most people think that there is no way they could be at fault, it is always someone else. Most people think their way is the right way and everyone else is wrong, period. Most people are wrong. Most people are in denial. Most people need a reality check. Most people need a life lesson.

Life doesn't work the way you want it to in the pretty fantasy world. That is why I am not that lone space man with my perfectly chosen world. You aren't the only one living your life, everyone around you is living it too. Their actions are a direct result of your actions. Most of the time they aren't to blame, you are. Your way isn't always the right way, many times there are a bunch of right ways. Your way may be wrong. You don't know everything. Most likely, you don't really know anything. Take the time to look around and try if even only for a second, to grasp what is going on around you. You are not king. You aren't the center of the universe.

I went to go see a movie the other day. Sat down just as my friends were arriving, we came in separate vehicles. Steve sat to my left, Pat to my right. Pat was drunk. Not fall down stupid drunk, but annoyingly loud drunk. Just drunk enough to not know when to shut up. I don't like drunk people. I don't hang out with drunk people. You wouldn't be invited in to my space ship if I knew you were drunk.

The movie started but there wasn't any sound. The pictures were moving but no sound was coming out. For about 5 minutes we watching a completely silent move. Boy was it dull. People around the audience were yelling at the screen and making fun. My "friend" Pat, the drunk one, kept saying quite loudly, "fuck I really wanted to see this god damned movie." I tried to shhh him but he wouldn't have anything to do with it. It was a kids movie we had come to see, so there were quite a few children about the movie theater, not counting Pat of course. So I know that some of the parents around us were probably tired of hearing the cussing. And had they said anything, note I said 'SAID', we would have shut up and apologized. But that isn't what happened. Not at all.

"Damn! I really wanted to see this fucking movie!"

Of a sudden the guy in the seat in front of us jerked around and grabbed Pat. This pissed me off, immediately and completely. I leaned forward..

"Hey you need to keep your hands off my friend... I don't know who you think you are but..." that's all I got out, before he cuffed me. He just backhanded me. Wasn't hard, just enough to get my attention and really annoy me. Good thing it wasn't a hard hit or it would have spawned a totally different reaction. One much less, pleasant.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?! You're going to just haul off and hit me in a movie theater?" I yelled standing up.. Boy if I had thought the theater was quiet a second ago, it was nothing compared to now.

"Well you were cussing!" he says, as if that is going to justify everything. Oh well okay then..

"OH .. Cussing is a mortal sin, but hauling off and smacking someone.. That's okay.. If you have a problem with something someone is doing you ask, or you get the manager you don't put your hands on someone.. "

"Well I will go get the manager.. " {'cause I'm a yutz and can't play well with others and have no clue how to solve this myself}

"Oh.. we are just trying to watch a movie," his fat wife sitting next to his two kids says, " and you terrible people just ruined it.."

Oh come on lady. Your charming husband just smacked me and it's our fault? I bet he beats you too huh. I mean if this guy.. this manly man, is willing to whack someone in a theater.. A complete stranger no less, I bet he hits you at home all the time. What about the kiddies? Daddy come home after a bad day and spank them too? 'cause they deserved it', I'm sure.

So he leaves and goes and gets the management.. Or at least that is what I supposed. He comes back with 3 or 4 sixteen year olds that are the cleaners of the theaters. It's funny that he went and got a bunch of them, like they were going to muscle us out of the theater.. hah Joke.

This story is totally anticlimactic by the way -- So, if you are reading it hoping that someone pulls a gun out or something you are going to be disappointed..

We were escorted out of the theater and into the lobby area where I confronted this guy. I basically told him that he had no right to put his hands on anyone and that he certainly had no right to hit me. Which of course he denied. I told him that if we were bothering him he can ask us to stop. And if we continue to bother him he can get the manager or the police. That's it. Those are his options. So what does he do? Guess...

He gets the cops. The theater that I frequent is a nice new theater and for whatever reason they keep a police officer on staff. For unruly customers like me I guess. He goes off and explains to the officer about how we were being terrible people and how he asked us three times to be quiet and how we refused and were doing it just to spite him.. huh?! Where the fuck did that version of reality take place.. He thinks he is king and that there is no way he could be at fault.. What I don't get is how he thinks he could be right.. I mean he smacks me and then HE goes and gets the cops? Why is this idiot continuing to escalate this situation? I could have pressed charges and he would have been in cuffs. I didn't.. But I could have. I consider myself a better person than that. It just saddens me that this person wasn't.

He single handedly reaffirmed my animosity towards other people.. Well.. animosity is a strong word.. Maybe ambivalence.. I must admit I seriously wanted to pop this guy in the nose. I just can't fathom how he thinks he could be right. I can't count the number of times when I was wrong on something and I apologized, "Woops.. Hey man.. I was wrong.. sorry.." I have done that before and will do that again..

Why couldn't this guy do that? My father used to tell me all the time that it's better to be the bigger person, the better man if you will and just let it go. But it doesn't feel as good. I really wanted to teach this guy a lesson. But who am I? Maybe I am wrong. Either way.. I walked away.. What a jerk. Yet another person who thought they were king. Someone, one day will squash his delusional rule. I just wasn't sure that person should have been me.. And thus I backed off.

That guy is definitely not allowed on my space ship.

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